those with something to fall back on invariably fall back on it.
i don't quite have that...and i'm not sure if i ever really have.
but sometimes you're cutting your food and laughing and you think,
adventure is just one mistake away.
the decision i'm facing as of about 1 p.m. today isn't something i would consider an obvious mistake, actually, if i did decide to move again. the adventure, in this case, is that shot in the dark. the one or the other devoid of an in between. the in or out. the change or the same. or maybe the change will be the same?
the adventure, in this case, is not having anything significant to fall back on. all of life is a risk in some sense, decision made yourself after decision made. unforeseen decisions from surrounding sources aimed at you, capable of bringing you down while you are mobile and naive. so why not create more risks yourself. at least then you can certainly expect the possible what-might-be-coming-to-yous. i mean, you're the one who took it knowingly, right?

partner is an amazing partner. like the amazing where a bevy of butterflies inhabits my toes to my lips day after day still, after seeing him day after day. there has been nothing close to a repetitive day, and until about three months ago i had never took note of something like this happening. things can happen, life is life, but for now i really don't care because my comfort level has been at a constant high.

compliments of fleet foxes and partner.

The world is alive now, in and outside I know.

Light up with me my dear,
Light up.

this is all just to say: carpe diem before the glaciers drown us.

thinking about the infinity of space doesn't make me too insane as of late.
i don't mind feeling this small anymore. for right now at least. i have found a level of comfort in my splinter of this ever growing fucked up world.
i feel small here, but i don't mind. because i don't need to know everyone right now. i don't need to know everything or see everything yet. [it will all still be there, waiting. as long as im alive and able to change at least]. why would you want to anyway? there is so much overwhelming and tedious backlash in that. i'd feel like there would be so much expected of me.
for now i am small, i am my own. i have the people and the things here who and which make me feel big. they make me feel like i am strong. like i belong. like i am something i cannot see.
which has become one of the most important things to me:
i will never see myself as they see me. there is so much beauty in that.

this is to all of you:

there is no cure for a broken heart, but there is always hope.
like, i hope you can all grow the parts of your hearts back that you lost.
because they are mine now.
see: this is to all of you

you know who you are. the past four months had been dragging like lethargic years, and you picked yourselves from yourselves and pulled at me for a little bit when i needed you most. no matter how completely aimless my wander became, no matter how many times you knew...just knew what i was going to come to you about again.
no matter how much you didn't even know me.
you were the strangers i bumped into on empty streets at night who smiled. instead of taking my frazzled hair into your fists and pushing me down like i needed you to.
or thought i needed you to.
my heart was obviously not stuck where i thought it was. look how far i've come already.

take on me

tonight is a kick ass musical show. i'm excited to see a cello paired with an experimental indie sound in a predominantly scenesters venue. go rob go for playing cello.
and then nonstop 80s dance beats. i plan to sweat out all of my frustrations in style tonight with good people. armed with a cigarette and a free hand to feel up anyone on the dance floor or punch them for being a creeper. bahaha.
good:


[and they are a] good [kick to be on]:

chchchanges

a big piece has gone. temporarily.

uncork some champagne? see, i don't even know.
i'd remind myself that it will get easier as the days go on if i knew it was true.

in the mean time it's been decided i will be going on dates to donate plasma every week.
yeah, that kind of date.
smile